I spilled a bottle of fake blood in the kitchen sink earlier, and it looked like Patrick Bateman had been using the kitchen :p

I am kind of writing this on my various networking sites- but I can go in more detail here because its my "sacred" space.

One month since Daddy died, today.
I knew it was coming...the date loomed at me all week.
For some reason I was dreading it....maybe because it's such a significant mark. Not an odd number of days or weeks, but an exact month.

I still have some shock over it. I have anger that something like pneumonia would take him down so quickly and without a fighting chance.
I have the grief, of course...missing him...dealing with going to all these places that I frequented with him-
Or when something happens- power outage this morning, for instance....and I immediately went to call him. I have so many things to tell him, and it frustrates me.
I feel horrible guilt over using his things when he can't. I hate enjoying pretty days when he can't.  Did he even have his new printer a week? *sigh*

There are things I am doing- I am having his medals sent to me, I am having his name added to the Vietnam memorial ceremony that occurs each year. Little things to keep me busy, and moving forward.

My dear friend sent me a package since she lives in Canada...beautiful canisters of teas that have blossoms in them, dutch cocoa with cinnamon and spices, a bone china tea cup and saucer with cherry blossoms, incense, a dainty yellow handkerchief, a hat she knitted for me, a book, and 3-pak of mixed cd's. She said since she couldn't be with me to cry and pamper me, that she did the next best thing.
It was very sweet, and everything smells so good....like wood and spice.
She lost her father a few years back, so we are bonded now...two lost girls.

Well...that is all. Just venting.

I could fill volumes here on Lj, now that my father has gone.
From things that happened beforehand- my grieving over him LAST SUMMER for no apparent reason (or was there?) to telling you the details of his sudden death...to the sudden 2nd life I am living-

I think from the time I was little, it was understood the my father would never have the life expectancy of a normal person, due to his health issues. Yet for so long, he has been so good. It was a rough, bitter winter, and a hard cold season. It was one of these colds that finally got him.
I am crushed- but what can I really do? Tears and mourning about won't bring him back. I guess, it sounds cold- but I have accepted it. Death is part of life, and I will wait to join with him again someday. Right now I am grateful for him in my life- for all the memories and laughter. I have laughed more than I have cried, I think.... :)

My dad was much like me in terms of religion. We are not church goers- we were both very pagan/earth dwelling in spirit. Our faith was strong, though not dictated by religious sects....I believe in the Goddess, in Mary, in the Earth.
As a memorial tattoo, I am pretty sure I am choosing the Immaculate Heart of Mary. I found several images of the Sacred Heart- after all he was Spanish and raised Catholic, so there is a touch of that :p
The image I want, is the heart...with white roses embracing it. Probably his name, or just "Daddy" somewhere beneath. My heart bleeds for him, my heart will never be the same. Change happens.

My dad died very unexpectedly on Feb. 25th
He was here last week and then...just gone.
I probably won't be online much- spending a lot of time with Mom and just not really in the mood for a lot of things right now.

Thanks, guys.

I am debating starting a new "project" of sorts.....
But first I need to know if anyone is a Shia La Beouf fan girl? 

Thanks ! ;)

Does anyone know how to import my Blogger site onto this one? I am pretty sure I have seen people do it....
Basically I'd like to use that site, but....hmmm....does anyone know what I mean ?   *grin*

I don't explain myself very well, I'm afraid.

Brief backstory-
When I got Guinness as a puppy, he was pretty much a rescue. They were abandoned out in the countryside. I took him, and my dad took 2 of his brothers- Cisco and Poncho.

Current:

They got out tonight, when my parents were opening driveway gate. A car hit Poncho....no brake lights, didn't stop. My dad said it was the worst sound he ever heard.....
We just admitted him to the animal hospital, where the doctor is on her way from home.....from my observation his leg is possibly broken, and has a huge gash to the bone on it. He also has blood coming from his nose.

I can't express how happy I am he is alive, but how VICIOUS and angry I am at whoever did not stop.
I am sure there are scenarios, like they were scared, or couldn't stop for whatever reason, but I don't care to listen to reason right now.
I am SICK of how people treat animals, I am SICK of seeing dead ones on the side of the road. He was hit in the same spot where a neighbor's was hit and killed last year- no one stopped for him either.
People make me fuckin SICK.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. Really. Because, I like each and every one of you.

At this time, I really think I need to cut my friends list back to just a small amount. I am not trying to be a snob, it's just that I feel it's unfair if I can't  keep up with people...and I don't want anyone to think I keep them around for number reasons.

So, please don't be mad at me, anyone.

It is Friday, and I'll be heading out soon. After those storms, the weather is cool now, so I'm thinking a nice little romantic cafe. :)

Was plagued with sad dreams last night....was hanging out with Elliot Smith (who most of you know, is dead) and we were sitting around, his was playing his guitar. I wanted to cry when I woke up :(    It's not like I knew him, but....he was in my dream for whatever reason.

So I leave  you with him.

Anyone have any books they want to sell?
Or trade, if you prefer (if I have anything you'd want)

I'm going mad....can't get enough reading material.....

Here is my boy!!!! He is the one in the BLUE shirt. ( I found this on Yahoo this morning!!)
 They're presenting the roses to the owners of Barbaro. He was shown on television during the Derby, it  was quite exciting. And Churchill Downs was wonderful, they treated them like little celebrities, escorting them to special seats on the track, taking them to a boardroom for a luncheon, giving them bracelets and things....and his artwork now hangs framed in the Kentucky Derby Museum.

My son won a poster contest for the Kentucky Derby. It is part of a ceremony to honor the deceased derby horse from last year, Barbaro.

He will be on television, a video will be aired at the derby, and he will also present his poster to the horse owners during the Derby!!!

Which means all those celebrities, the Queen of England.....will get to see him hehehe
And one parent presents with him, UH...NOT ME. :P    I'm not getting my big butt out there haha


But yes, I'm really excited for him. =)